It's Monday which is an accountability check in with myself.
I like to go back in my journal and accomplish all the tasks I didn't get around to the previous week. Something I have been meaning to do was complete a blog post. I started it and for some reason #momlife, it got put off.
Since I started sharing my health and fitness journey it has been important for me to stay 100% transparent with all I do. I appreciate when the people I look up to for inspiration and motivation share struggles open and honestly.
I have something else weighing on me that I feel the need to share. In the moment and from the heart.
A little more about transparency.
The last 2 weeks have been a whirl wind of emotions, I have felt a wave of emotion like I was on a roller coaster ride of feelings. Feeling strong, excited but terrified, overwhelmed and a little defeated.
My goal in sharing this is to ignite strength within anyone else who is struggling to find their purpose and chase their goals. It is not easy, but I know how powerful practising vulnerability is. Being Vulnerable shows others it's OK and allows others to do the same. Vulnerability equals growth always!
I have always felt my strongest while helping others to find their strength.
I don't want to take up much of your time so I'll get right to it.
I found my love for spinning about a year ago and when Soul Cycle moved to Vancouver this summer that fuelled my love for it even more. I easily got addicted, there is so much to love about Soul Cycle. The obvious external components like the dark room, great music, motivating instructors who look like a magical unicorn riding a bike. For me personally it's whats underneath all of that. The connection you have with other people, the soulful moments when you turn inward, connecting to what your soul is telling you to do, tapping into your strength and building on it. Every workout is more then a workout, what keeps me coming back are the mental breakthroughs I have experienced in that room.
My Passion is people, specifically woman that can use some extra love and support through difficult times. Something you may not know about me is that I use to work at an all woman's recovery house which I operated for many years. At one time in my life I was operating 6 drug and alcohol recovery houses and it's staff while I was in my early 20's. I was so sure that this was my gift and my calling, I worked towards becoming a substance abuse counsellor and had already been taking the program for a year.
This is the time when I felt I was living in my purpose. I felt most fulfilled having been able to connect with woman during times of struggle with finding their true selves, fighting an inside war and battling the disease of addiction. Guiding them in times they felt they had nothing or no-one to live for. Watching them rebuild self love, gain self confidence and create beautiful lives made all of the emotionally and mentally draining moments worth it. Until I become so attached to the outcome that I was unable to give back to myself when I needed it. Self care became very difficult and I quickly got burnt out. This lead me down another path of caring for people but in a much different way. I became a nurse.
This experience has a everything to do with my SoulCycle journey because being a instructor is like being a coach. It allows you to connect with people at a similar level. If you have ever attended a class there you understand what I'm talking about. November 2017 SoulCycle held auditions in Vancouver. I had taken maybe 20 rides total at a spin studio in my life. But I wanted to audition anyway because I was so clear that this was what I had to do. I was terrified, I thought my fitness level wasn't good enough as spinning at this level was very new to me. All of the usual negative self talk flooded in, it was all around being older then everyone there, being just a mom and feeling less then confident about 1000 other things that I could come up with.
After getting over my fears of trying and failing, I showed up and gave it my all. It was such good experience but as I thought it just wasn't my time. I committed to myself in that moment that next time no matter where or when they hold auditions I would go back and be better.
Champion mindset,I have this ingrained in me to never quit.
Since that audition I was riding as much as I possibly could to get stronger. Some days I would take 2 sometimes 3 classes, because I was dedicated to being better and I loved being there. For 5 months straight I woke at 5:30am 4 days a week, take class at 7:00am, drive back and forth for 30 mins from home to clients back to the studio, picking up my son from pre-school then heading right back to the studio for another class. I woke up early every single weekend, I went to get certified in spinning just to make me more confident in my teaching ability and learn how to teach a class. I was spinning 4-5 days a week, growing my business, managing a family and going through all the motions of life. It was difficult to manage but I knew this is what I wanted and I pushed myself everyday to go after it.
When you make plans god laughs at you
Not thinking about the next Soul Cycle auditions I walked into the spin studio in my community when I heard they were hiring and I ambitiously asked for a position. Begged for them to give me a shot and let me be apart of their instructor training occurring that day. Grateful to have the opportunity, the training and be part of something important to me in my own community where I get to grow and develop my skills. I was so happy to land a job that doesn't really feel like work because I love doing it.
The very next day SoulCycle announced again they were holding auditions. Feeling content in the position I have with the new studio, I didn't know if I was still interested in auditioning again. You can not beat working somewhere close to home, comfort and stability. This job was what I have wanted for a while and I get the freedom to bring whatever I want to my podium in this studio. I knew deep down that I made a commitment to myself and that I would never know unless I followed through with it.
Passion will lead you to your purpose
This past weekend I flew to L.A. because I got accepted to audition for SoulCycle again. Feeling so excited because not everyone has the opportunity to audition but also nervous and confident at the same time-It's weird going for auditions and being judged. I went there with a mindset that was prepared for either answer. I knew that I worked so hard and owed it to myself to take a chance and try or I will never know. This entire journey pushed me to ask myself some really deep questions. What is it about being a SoulCycle Instructor was I feeling a connection with?
Was this allowing me to live in my purpose?
I'm so grateful that this journey made me discover my primary purpose and that I have been living it out in each career path my whole life. I may have been using a different vehicle to drive my purpose at different points of my life but it has always remained the same. I am a coach!
On audition day there were 2 parts to the audition, we had 60 people go into the studio and ride while the recruitment team watches you perform to short clips of music they choose while calling out what they want you to do. They let you go out in the waiting area while they decide who they are cutting.
While I was sitting there, I noticed a girl alone sitting on the floor looking very nervous sighing and looking around. I decided to approached her to take her mind off of whatever she was going through inside of her head alone. I know how scary it can be in there alone with your thoughts- over thinking your every move. Attempting to calm her nerves I chatted with her asking her questions about her life. She asked me how come I was so clam, I wasn't calm! Inside I was freaking out about not getting called back in, I shared that this was my second time auditioning. Her jaw dropped, she was shocked that I came from Vancouver and that I came back again after hearing NO. I told her I could see how important it was to her or it wouldn't be effecting her like this. She stated the obvious reason of why she want to be a SoulCycle instructor. We both didn't get called back into the room but later she approached me with tears in her eyes to say thank you for inspiring me to keep trying.
It stung a little to hear no again but I felt like no matter what I got to do something today that was meaningful to me. That I was able to coach someone to keep pushing for their greatness no matter how many times you hear NO. I left that studio feeling PROUD, accomplished and content.
The reason I'm sharing this story with you is because I want to ignite something in YOU. I hope you are following your heart and are doing what feels right, to continue chasing your dreams and aspirations. I questioned myself so many times If I should share this journey with you and my mind kept going back to that one girl feeling defeated and alone siting on the floor.
If you take anything from my story, please let it be that you do NOT let your head get in the way of your heart and follow your purpose. If I had listened to my head I would have never followed through to go and try again. If you are living out your purpose you will not have resistance in the universe, things will flow to you easily because you are not selling yourself out. When you feel like something is unfulfilling find a way to let it go, so you do not sabotage your purpose.
Finding inner strength to dig deep and being mentally tough is delicious when you get a taste of it.
I encourage you to keep fighting for what is important to you.
You got this, you are more then enough.
As always so much gratitude for listening and coming along on this journey with me.